Where I Am Now

Thank you all for hanging with me up to this point! I know it’s hasn’t exactly been rainbows and cupcakes, but hey - that’s life. Everyone has something they’re dealing with that, many times, no one else really knows about. This just happened to be one of those things for me. But we’ve turned a corner in this journey, and I truly believe the worst is behind us now.

Feeling Safe Again

I moved into my new place in February 2024, and at that point, the pain and emotions of the breakup, along with the loss of the future and family I had known, took precedence over everything else. My only priority was to settle into my new place and, over time, begin picking up the pieces and rebuilding my life. I wasn’t doing much in the way of supplements or protocols. I was simply resting and being, and that was when another level of healing began to unfold.

I started noticing subtle changes without trying to force them. My second functional doctor had told me there wouldn’t be some dramatic day when I would think, “I’m healed!” Instead, she said I would likely have quiet little realizations, like, “Hmm… that’s weird… I haven’t felt that pain, ache, or symptom in a while.” And that is exactly what began happening. Random realizations would pop into my head, like how my heart hadn’t been beating so irregularly as much, or how the cortisol surges up and down my chest were happening far less.

It felt as though my body was slowly unclenching from fight-flight-freeze and beginning to trust that it was finally in a safe place. When the nervous system calms down and the body feels safe, it can redirect energy toward healing instead of staying braced in survival mode.

Coming Back to Myself

My Body Was Saving Me

As the months went on, I found a third functional medicine facility specializing in Lyme disease, and that is where I remain today. They introduced me to the Body Scan, which measures frequency patterns throughout the body to identify cellular dysfunctions and illness. It uses biofeedback and looks at the body’s response to thousands of vibrational signatures, including bacteria, chemicals, heavy metals, and more. We began introducing things that were not just about fighting and killing, but also for optimizing the body. That included new supplements and doing medical-grade red light therapy a few times a week.

This was an important shift for me, because I started realizing just how strong I was and how grateful I was for my body fighting for me this whole time. You see, prior, I had believed that my body was failing me, and when you read about autoimmune issues, you hear the words that your body is attacking itself, as if it’s turned against you. And those messages don’t help. The body’s natural job is to repair and heal itself. So when my mindset shifted, that was another level of understanding that actually, my body had been saving my life this whole time, not destroying me, not failing me.

I began praying differently, not from a place of “Please God help me. Please heal me,” but from a place of “I am healing. I am healed.” I wanted to be intentional with my words and speak from a place of health and wellbeing. I also did deeper spiritual work by challenging limiting beliefs, rebuilding my self-worth, and remembering the rockstar I am - the smart, funny, adventurous, risk-taking person I’ve always been. Over time, I realized how much my ex-partner’s fixed mindset and fear-based, scarcity-driven outlook (despite him being financially secure) had affected me. I came back to my own growth mindset and to the belief that life expands when we stay open, curious, and willing to grow.

I also started shifting the narrative of those years of illness because I am truly proud that I kept fighting for myself when no one else would. And yes, I tried everything I could since there was no pill, roadmap, or one-size-fits-all treatment. I now look back in amazement at my persistence, despite being made to feel foolish for pursuing options others didn't understand or dismissed as "woo woo." Changing my mindset changed everything. I deeply believe that what we think and what we feel becomes our reality, and over time, looking in the mirror, I finally started to see "me" again.

Building My Strength Back

Within that first six months of living in my new place, I lost 10 pounds of the 35 I had gained, without even trying. I’m not sure exactly how it happened - whether it was inflammation going down because my body could finally let go, or whether it was because I stopped drinking like I had been. Either way it was a welcome sign that things were moving in the right direction.

Eventually, I even got to the point where I wanted to try working out again. I would watch these short YouTube videos that were literally exercises while lying on the floor. Slowly but surely, a couple of minutes of movement here and there turned into five minutes, then 10, and eventually 15.

I decided to buy a weight bench, cause y’all already know I prefer weight lifting over endurance work, and I wanted to see if I could build strength back. And sure enough, I started with very light weights and slowly began doing more on the bench. My faith was restored in the fact that my body was becoming strong again and improving little by little.

A New Day

I still needed to address the fact that my brain was not functioning at its best, even though I was so much better after the mold protocol. I was still dealing with underlying depression, which, as you know, has been part of my life for a long time. While I had learned to live with it, I wanted to see whether I could improve both my mood and my cognitive function. So I started researching different treatments and came across an article about using Hyperbaric Oxygen Treatment, or HBOT, for Lyme disease. I knew it would be an intense protocol, but one with a lot of potential upside - possibly weakening or even killing Lyme spirochetes, while also offering benefits like reduced inflammation, improved PTSD symptoms, support for fibromyalgia, better neurological and cognitive function, and stronger immune function. I found a place that offered clinical-grade 2.0 ATA HBOT and committed to 40 sessions, five days a week, for two months.

After completing the sessions, the difference in my depression was night and day. Before, I would wake up feeling dread and could spend hours trying to pull myself out of it. Now, I start my mornings in a much better place ready to take action, and that has made all the difference.

I do wonder whether depression, at least in my case, is simply inflammation in the brain. It seems possible to me, especially since I have felt depressed since I was young and believe I may have been bitten when I was young. As you know, these spirochetes cross the blood-brain barrier and settle in, causing inflammation. So maybe the HBOT reduced the brain inflammation and that is why the depression lifted. I cannot say for sure, but it was an incredible treatment.

Optimizing My Health

A Trauma Response

As I am still mom to the kids, I still have to interact with my ex-partner. Something very interesting happened on several occasions when I was in his presence: my body started convulsing out of nowhere - similar to shivering if you were freezing cold, except it was warm and sunny outside, so I knew that couldn’t have been the cause.

The body remembers trauma even when the conscious mind does not immediately register the threat. This is implicit memory where sensory details like a person’s voice, smell, or posture can trigger an instant physiological reaction. The convulsions were a physical manifestation of my body shifting into a highly dysregulated state as my system tried to protect me.

It was incredibly insightful because I did not expect that at all. It was also confirmation of how deeply negative and toxic the relationship was, and it helped me understand even more that trauma takes many forms, even if there is no physical abuse.

Around a year and a half after moving into my new place, I had outgrown the weight bench and wanted more options, so I bought an all-in-one home gym that has a Smith machine, power rack, cable crossover, dual pulley system, leg press attachment, jammer arms, and more. I call it The Beast. I was so excited to get it, and then the Lyme disease decided to remind me it was still around. I don’t know exactly what triggered it, but I was down for the count for six weeks with pain, inflammation, muscle weakness, headaches, joint pain — you name it. I could not work out at all, not even once.

This time, though, was different. I went to my functional doctor and started a protocol with tinctures and supplements, and there was actually an end to the flare. Before, I would take things endlessly and still feel the same, but this time the protocol brought me back to what I would call “normal”. It reminded me of how someone might take antibiotics for an infection and then return to baseline afterward. My protocol was longer than a standard round of antibiotics, of course, but there was still a clear ending to the flare, and to me, that was progress.

It was also a reminder that this illness is still part of my life. While it was frustrating to have such a long gap between getting my new machine and actually being able to use it, I’ve been enjoying it ever since, while also listening to my body and not beating myself up when I need to take breaks. I’ve been able to lose another 10 pounds, and can feel my muscles coming back.

For a while, I thought I could simply think my way through the grief on my own - from the loss of the relationship and family unit, to coming to terms with this unexpected, life-altering illness. But it was through the facility where I received HBOT that therapy was recommended to me. I reluctantly agreed and was connected with a psychotherapist who also happens to be a former Green Beret with the U.S. Army Special Forces.

He has been instrumental in helping me remember how truly amazing I am and has provided tools, education, and perspective that have been incredibly meaningful. Most importantly, however, he has given me the kind of acknowledgment I never received from my ex-partner. Not through some formal, rigid therapeutic exercise, but simply as one human being speaking to another with sincerity and compassion, he helped me understand that what I went through was not okay and expressed deep remorse for it.

I feel incredibly lucky to have received such unexpected emotional healing from this man, and grateful to remember what it feels like to fully trust someone, and feel completely safe in their presence. Through this work, I’ve been able to process emotions more deeply, better understand other people’s behavior, and live more fully from my own values with a renewed sense of peace and happiness.

I am focused on optimizing my health in any ways that I can. I have switched from regular coffee to mushroom coffee and immediately noticed more clarity and less anxiety. I have added a whole-body nutrition protein shake to my routine several times a week.

I would like to do another mold test to see whether there are any elevated levels in my body. I still get those electric shocks, even though they are nowhere near as frequent as before, and if the test shows mold is still present, even at low levels, I will probably do the mold protocol again - especially knowing how helpful it was for my brain cognition.

I am also focusing on being present, and moving, whether that means working out, taking the dogs for a walk, or dare I say a short hike with a friend… it’s getting into nature, spending time with good people, continuing to process emotions through the body, and yes, looking out for the latest and greatest discoveries in health and healing.

The Beast and the Setback

What I Didn’t Know I Needed

Life Keeps Getting Better

So that’s where I am now. Grateful to have made it here. I feel like I am thriving while also remaining cautiously optimistic and respectful of Lyme disease. I believe I’m anchored in a higher vibration of health, and freedom from dis-ease. I am living more in alignment with what I believe life is asking of me, listening to my intuition, taking action, letting go, and trusting. And as challenging as that can be, as I think there’s a part in all of us that wants to know what our ultimate life ‘destination’ is ahead of time, I am choosing to live by the famous Rumi quote:

“As you start to walk on the way, the way appears.”

I’m putting one foot in front of the other, and remaining open to the abundance of love, joy, health, wealth, community, and adventure that is available to all of us at all times - and life keeps getting better and better.

Thank you for reading my story. Feel free to explore the rest of the website for Key Takeaways, more info on the treatments I’ve tried in the Resources tab, a place to share your own thoughts in the Community Corner, and a little more about me in the About Me section.